Ability: The quality of having the means or skill to do something. Ability is not permanent, can fluctuate throughout one’s life, and is another aspect of diversity in our communities. Disabilities (see Disability) do not necessarily limit people unless society imposes assumptions that do not account for the variation in people’s abilities (see Social Identities, Oppression)..⁷⁹
Ableism/Ableist: The pervasive system of discrimination (see Discrimination) and exclusion that oppresses (see Oppression) people who are differently abled (see Ability), including differences in mental, cognitive, emotional, and/or physical abilities, through attitudes, actions, or institutional policies (see Culture).⁷⁹
Adoptee, Adopted Person, or Person who was Adopted: A person who joins a family by adoption (see Adoption). Whenever possible, use “person-first” language.⁶
“Adopted” (when referring to a human): This implies that the person’s position within their family requires a qualification, and is subject to a classification. It sends the message that there is a different value placed on this child (see Adoptee) because they do not share a biological connection to their parent(s) (see Biological Parent). This could impact identity formation and self-esteem. As much as possible, when referring to individuals, refrain from using the word “adopted” as an adjective. Try and use the word adoption (see Adoption) as a verb that describes the way a family was formed (they were adopted), or as a noun when referring to a person. A person’s adoption is a part of who they are (see Social Identities), but it isn’t a stipulation. As individuals, we see ourselves as many things, all of which collectively inform our identity as a whole. “I am a dancer, an adoptee, an artist, etc.”¹³
Adoption: A permanent, legally binding arrangement whereby persons other than the biological parents (see Biological Parent) parent the child (see Adoptee).⁶
Adoption Agency: An organization that is licensed by a particular state to educate and prepare families to adopt children (see Adoptee) and to do all the necessary legal, administrative and social work to ensure that adoptions (see Adoption) are in the best interests of the children.⁶
Adoption Order: The document issued by the court upon finalization (see Finalization) of an adoption (see Adoption), stating that the adoptee (see Adoptee) is the legal child of the adoptive parents (see Adoptive Parent).⁶
Adoption Plan: The unique, individual plan a particular set of biological parents (see Biological Parent) makes for the adoption of their child (see Adoptee).⁶
Adoptive Parent(s): A person or persons who become the permanent parents with all the social, legal rights and responsibilities incumbent upon any parent.⁶
Adoption Triad: A term used to describe the three-sided relationship that exists in an adoption (see Adoption) between birth parents (see Birth Parent), adoptive parents (see Adoptive Parent) and the adoptee (see Adoptee), each of which is interrelated and interdependent on the others. Avoid the term Adoption Triangle.¹²
Adoption Reunion Registry: A reunion registry system which allows adoptees (see Adoptee), biological parents (see Biological Parent) and biological siblings to locate each other if they wish by maintaining a voluntary list of adoptees and birth relatives.¹² (http://isrr.org/Register.html)
Ageism: The pervasive system of prejudice and discrimination (see Discrimination, Stereotypes) that marginalizes people based on their age. This can be perpetuated through stereotypes of youthfulness versus life at an older age and through oppressive policies (see Oppression, Culture) that subordinate and exclude older folks (see Folx). Ageism can impact different age groups besides older folks, such as children who are stereotyped as being unable to make big decisions.⁷⁹
Ally: A term relating generally to individuals who support marginalized groups. “Ally” is not an identity, and allyship (see Allyship) is an ongoing process of learning that includes action (see Social Justice, Cultural Humility).¹
Allyship: The action of working to end oppression through support of, and as an advocate with and for, a group other than one’s own (see Social Justice, Cultural Humility).⁷⁹
Birth Certificate: When a child is born a certified document indicates the birth information of a person including birth parent (see Birth Parent) names and the name given to the child at the time of birth. Once the adoption is finalized, the original birth certificate is amended reflecting the adoptive parents (see Adoptive Parent) as the child’s (see Adoptee) parents and the original birth certificate is sealed and in many states remains confidential.⁶
Biological Grandparents, Birth Grandparents: The biological grandparents of a child.⁶
Biological Parent, Birth Parent, or First Parent: The parents who conceived a child, made an adoption plan (see Adoption Plan) for the child, and subsequently consent (see Consent) to terminating parental rights to the child (see Adoptee). Also referred to as the biological parents.⁶
Body Image: How a person feels, acts, and thinks about their body. Attitudes about our own body and bodies in general are shaped by our communities (see Community), families, cultures (see Culture), media, and our own perceptions (see Social Identities, Internalized Oppression).⁷⁹
Body Policing: any behavior which (indirectly or directly, intentionally or unintentionally) attempts to correct or control a person’s actions regarding their own physical body, frequently with regards to gender expression or size (see Gender Expression, Body Image, Sizeism, Social Identities, Oppression).⁷⁹
Capitalism: An economic, political, and social system in which property, business, and industry are privately owned and directed towards making the greatest possible profits for successful organizations and people¹⁰; negatively impacts all marginalized communities (see Community, Culture, Colonialism, Cultural Humility, Oppression).
Colonialism: The belief in and support of the system [or ideology] of one country controlling another (see Community, Culture, Capitalism, Cultural Humility, Oppression).¹⁰
Community: A group of people who have similar interest or who want to achieve something together (see Culture, Social Identity).¹⁰
Confidential/Closed Adoption: An adoption (see Adoption) where there is no contact between birth parents (see Birth Parent) and adoptive parents (see Adoptive Parents). Sometimes referred to as a closed adoption.⁶
Consent: Permission or agreement.¹⁰
Cultural Humility: An approach to engagement across differences that acknowledges systems of oppression and embodies the following key practices: (1) a lifelong commitment to self-evaluation and self-critique, (2) a desire to fix power imbalances where none ought to exist, and (3) aspiring to develop partnerships with people and groups who advocate for others on a systemic level. (Melanie Tervalon & Jann Murray-García, 1998)⁷⁹
Culture: A learned set of values, beliefs, customs, norms, and perceptions shared by a group of people that provide a general design for living and patterns for interpreting life. “Culture is those deep, common, unstated, learned experiences which members of a given culture share, which they communicate without knowing, and which form the backdrop against which all other events are judged (see Community, Social Identities.”⁷⁹
Discrimination: Inequitable actions carried out by members of a dominant group or its representatives against members of a marginalized or minoritized group (see Oppression).⁷⁹
Derogatory: showing strong disapproval and not showing respect; expressing criticism or insult (see Oppression, Discrimination).¹⁰
Domestic Adoption: An adoption (see Adoption) that involves adoptive parents (see Adoptive Parents) and a child (see Adoptee) who are all permanent residents of the United States.⁶
Empathy: The ability to share someone else’s feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person’s situation (see Ally, Allyship, Cultural Humility, Social Justice).¹⁰
Ethnicity: A social construct that divides people into smaller social groups based on characteristics such as shared sense of group membership, values, behavioral patterns, language, political and economic interests, history and ancestral geographical base (see Community, Culture, Race, Social Identities).⁷⁹
Facilitator: An individual that is not licensed as an adoption agency (see Adoption Agency) or licensed as an attorney, and who is engaged in the matching of biological parents (see Match, Biological Parent) with adoptive parents (see Adoptive Parents).⁶
Finalization: The court hearing that results in the adoption order (see Adoption Order). This is the moment when the adoptee (see Adoptee) becomes the permanent, legally adopted child of the adoptive parents (see Adoptive Parents).⁶
Folx: An alternative spelling to folks. The two words are pronounced the same way. Folx is viewed by some as a more inclusive version of the word folks, though both are gender-neutral ways of addressing a group of people. However, folx can be difficult for screen readers (people with visual disabilities) to read (see Disability, Specific Learning Disability).¹
Foster Care, Out-of-home Care: A temporary service provided by States for children who cannot live with their families. Children in foster care may live with relatives or with unrelated foster parents. Foster care can also refer to placement (see Placement) settings such as group homes, residential care facilities, emergency shelters, and supervised independent living.⁷
Gender: Broadly, gender is a set of socially constructed roles, behaviors, activities, and attributes that a given society considers appropriate (see Social Identities, Culture).¹
Generational Trauma/Intergenerational Trauma: Acknowledges that exposure to extremely adverse events can impact individuals to such a great extent that their offspring may find themselves negatively impacted from their parents’ post‐traumatic state. It is also said that the experience of trauma – or more accurately the effect of that experience – can be “passed” somehow from one generation to the next, both biologically (i.e. DNA function or gene transcription) as well as environmentally (i.e. increased risk of parent substance abuse, depression, etc.).⁸³
“Give Up” for Adoption: People tend to use the phrase “give up” when referring to bad things or destructive habits (i.e. “they gave up drinking/gambling/smoking”). For obvious reasons, we don’t want to categorize a child (see Adoptee) by using this same terminology. (see Negative vs. Alternative Adoption Terms) Additionally, the subtle connotation of the term “give up” suggests an indiscriminate and careless action. On the contrary, birth parents (see Birth Parent) undergo an intense emotional experience to make this choice, take great care in selecting adoptive parents (see Adoptive Parent), and display remarkable strength in moving forward with their adoption plan (see Adoption Plan). Choosing adoption (see Adoption) is a responsible decision that they control.¹³
“Gotcha Day”: Gotcha day is celebrated by some adoptive families as the day of their adoption (see Adoption) was finalized or became “legal”. Each year the family sets aside this day to celebrate the day they legally became a family.”⁸ Some adoptees (see Adoptee) may find Gotcha Day or adoption anniversaries uncomfortable and/or triggering.⁸
Hate Crime: A crime, typically one involving violence, that is motivated by prejudice on the basis of ethnicity (see Ethnicity, Race), religion (see Spirituality), sexual orientation (see Sexual Orientation), or similar grounds (see Ally, Allyship, Cultural Humility, Empathy, Oppression, Social Justice).¹⁸
Home Study: A three-part process required before a child (see Adoptee) can be placed with a family for foster care (see Foster Care) or adoption (see Adoption): (1) Written portion includes autobiographies, references, medical reports, financial statements, child abuse and criminal clearances and other written materials; (2) Social work process includes a series of visits in the applicants’ home to discuss a variety of issues from the applicants’ backgrounds to their motivations to adopt and their understanding of adoption and parenting; (3) Educational process includes training in adoption and parenting issues. The end result of this process is a written document completed by a licensed agency giving a summary of the applicants’ family life. This document indicates approval of the applicants for adoption. In most states it must be updated annually.⁶
Hopefulness/”Hope Fullness”: The feeling or state of feeling hope.¹⁰
The Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA): A federal law that seeks to keep Native and Indigenous children with “American Indian/Alaska Native families.” Congress passed ICWA in 1978 in response to the alarmingly high number of Indian children being removed from their homes by both public and private agencies. The intent of Congress under ICWA was to “protect the best interests of Indian children and to promote the stability and security of Indian tribes and families” (25 U.S.C. § 1902). ICWA: sets federal requirements that apply to state child custody proceedings involving an Indian child who is a member of or eligible for membership in a federally recognized tribe; is an integral policy framework on which tribal child welfare programs rely; provides a structure and requirements for how public and private child welfare agencies and state courts view and conduct their work to serve tribal children and families; as well as acknowledges and promotes the role that tribal governments play in supporting tribal families, both on and off tribal lands. However, as is the case with many laws, proper implementation of ICWA requires vigilance, resources, and advocacy (see Ally, Allyship, Empathy, Cultural Humility, Social Justice).¹²
Identified Adoptions: The refers to a situation in which an adoptive family has already identified a birth parent (see Biological Parent) situation and comes to an agency/attorney to handle the legal and case management aspects of the case (see Adoption).¹²
Internalized Oppression: The fear and self-hate of one or more of a person’s own identities that occurs for many individuals who have learned negative ideas about their identities throughout childhood (see Cultural Identities). One form of internalized oppression (see Oppression) is the acceptance of the myths and stereotypes (see Stereotype) applied to the oppressed group.⁷⁹
Intersectionality: Coined by Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw, this term refers to the overlap of social categorizations or identities such as race and ethnicity (see Race, Ethnicity), sexuality (see Sexuality, Sexual Orientation), gender (see Gender), disability (see Disability), geography, adoptee identity (see Adoptee), and class (see Socioeconomic Class) which exist in an individual or group of people that can contribute to discrimination (see Discrimination) or disadvantage (see Oppression).¹
Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children (ICPC): If a child (see Adoptee) is born in a state other than where the prospective adoptive parents (see Placement, Adoptive Parents) reside, the Interstate Compact of both the minor’s home state and the prospective adoptive parents’ home state must give their approval before the child travels (for the purpose of adoption) (see Adoption) to the state where the prospective adoptive parents reside. In an interstate adoption, the agency with custody (see Legal Custody, Physical Custody) of the child is responsible for processing the interstate paperwork.⁶
“Keep a child” (when referring to biological parents): This implies that the child (see Adoptee) is a possession to be had and ignores the responsibilities of parenting (see Biological Parent, Adoptive Parent). Instead, say that the parent chose to “parent their child” because they are choosing to parent instead of placing for adoption (see Adoption, Adoption Plan), which is very much within their right (see Negative-Alternative Adoption Terms).¹³
Legal Custody: The “right to make decisions about how to raise the child (see Adoptee), including decisions about education, health care, and religious training (see Spirituality).”⁹
Match or Matching: The process of bringing together qualified prospective adoptive parents (see Adoptive Parents) and willing biological parents (see Biological Parent), who by choice choose to explore the compatibility of each other and who can agree on the terms under which the adoptive parents can adopt the child (see Adoptee).⁶
Microaggressions: Brief and subtle behaviors, whether intentional or not, that communicate hostile, derogatory (see Derogatory), or negative messages of commonly oppressed identities (see Oppression, Social Identities). These actions cause harm through the invalidation of the target person’s identity and may reinforce stereotypes (see Stereotype). Examples of microaggressions include a person who is not white being told they speak “good English” or someone saying something is “gay” to mean they think something is bad.⁷⁹
Mis-Match/Failed Match/Disruption: When a family has accepted the match (see Match) with a biological parent (see Biological Parent), but the birth parent decides they are going to parent the child (see Adoptee)– this is considered to be a mis-match/failed/disrupted situation. Different agencies call these different names, but they all refer to the same scenario.¹²
Negative vs. Alternative Adoption Terms:
- unwanted pregnancy vs. unintended pregnancy
- real parent/mother/father vs. birth parent/mother/father;
- natural parent/mother/father vs. biological parent/mother/father
- adoptive parent/mother/father vs parent/mother/father/etc.
- natural child/own child/one of my own vs. birth child or biological child/adopted child/my child/son/daughter/etc.
- abandoned/unwanted child vs. child placed for adoption
- illegitimate child vs. born to unmarried parents
- give up for adoption/put up for adoption/give away/adopted out/abandoned/surrendered/released/relinquished vs. make an adoption plan/choose adoption/place child for adoption/terminated parental rights
- to keep child vs. to parent child; is adopted-was adopted
- child taken away vs. court termination
- adoption triangle vs. adoption triad¹³
Open/Closed/Semi-Open: This refers to the level of personal information available to both the biological and adoptive families (see Biological Parent, Adoptive Parent), before and after placement of the child (see Placement, Adoptee)
- Closed refers to absolutely no information being shared. This means the adoptive family will have no social/medical information, will not know the biological parent’s name nor will the biological parent know anything about the adoptive family.
- Semi-Open refers to non-identifying information shared. Adoptive families will receive social/medical history and records all redacted for biological parent’s privacy. Will exchange pictures and/or letters post placement through a secure network or agency/attorney (see Adoption Agency).
- Open refers to identifying information and/or direct contact without the assistance or involvement from an agency or attorney being involved. Typically seen situations with fully open are text messages, email updates, phone calls, and face to face visits (see Post-Placement Communication, Post Placement Visits/Supervision).¹²
Oppression: exists when one social group, whether knowingly or unconsciously, exploits another social group for its own benefit (see Ally, Allyship, Capitalism, Colonialism, Cultural Humility, Empathy, Social Justice).⁷⁹
Placement: Sometimes you’ll hear someone say they want to “give a baby up for adoption” (see Adoption, Negative vs. Alternative Adoption Terms). In the adoption world, we say placed. However, in this case, placement is referring to the action of the birth parent (see Birth Parent) signing the voluntary consent (see Consent) for adoption (see Adoption), and “placing” the child (see Adoptee) with the adoptive family (see Adoptive Parent). The agency (see Adoption Agency) is still the legal guardian of the child at this time but the adoptive family is caring for the child and has the child in their custody (see Legal Custody, Physical Custody). Post placement visits (see Post-Placement Communication) occur in the months following placement up until the finalization (see Finalization) occurs.¹²
Physical Custody: The “right to make decisions about the routine day-to-day activities of the child (see Adoptee) and where the child lives.⁹
Post-Placement Communication: This is the communication the adoptive family (See Adoptive Family) and birth family (see Birth Parent) have after placement (see Placement) has occurred. There is not a right or wrong level of post-placement communication, so long as the child’s (see Adoptee) best interest is taken into consideration. Many birth and adoptive families share pictures and letters at milestones of the child’s life. In addition, other families have direct email, text messages, phone calls, and yes, even face to face visits (see Open Adoption, Post Placement Visits/Supervision). The level of desired post-placement communication is something the birth parent requests during pregnancy as well as what the adoptive family has expressed they are open to. The desire of each is taken into consideration when the presentation of a profile is provided to the birth parent (see Adoption Plan). Although some birth parents change their minds after delivery occurs, it is ultimately something that the adoptive family must feel comfortable with prior to accepting the placement.¹²
Post Placement Visits/Supervision: Post-placement supervision visits are required follow-ups to the home study (see Home Study) after a child (see Adoptee) is placed in your home. There is typically a minimum of three visits required. At least one must be in the home and the entire family must be present for at least one as well. During the visit, the caseworker will ask questions such as how the child is eating and sleeping, what developmental milestones has the child met, how everyone in the home is adjusting, daily routine, and any medical appointments or concerns that may have occurred, just to name a few.¹²
Profile: This is what is presented to a birth parent (see Birth Parent) to help them select the adoptive family (see Adoptive Parent). Typically, there is not identifying information in a profile but rather general information such as careers, your likes/dislikes or hobbies, extended family, traditions, holidays, travel, pets, other children, etc. It is the information that is important about an adoptive family that a birth family will find helpful when deciding on the family with whom they’d like to place their child (see Adoptee).¹²
“Put Up” for adoption: This term originated from the Orphan Train Movement of the mid 1800’s, when homeless children from the cities were taken to the countryside and “put up” on stage for landowners to select. These children became the landowner’s property and were taken home to work as field hands (see Adoption, Negative-Alternative Adoption Terms).¹³
Race: A social construct that divides people into distinct groups based on characteristics such as physical appearance, ancestral heritage, cultural affiliation, cultural history, ethnic classification, based on the social, economic, and political context of a society at a given period of time (see Culture, Ethnicity, Racism).⁷⁹
Racism: The systematic subordination of people from marginalized racial groups based on their physical appearance, ethnic or ancestral history, or cultural affiliation (see Ethnicity, Culture, Social Identities). Racism is considered a deeply pervasive, systemic issue perpetuated by members of the privileged racial group holding dominant social power over others. Discrimination (see Discrimination), prejudice, or xenophobia may be more accurate terms for describing individual acts of oppression (see Oppression). While these individual acts likely stem from systemic racism, at the individual level the power dynamics that enable racism are not at play in the same way (see Empathy, Cultural Humility, Social Justice).⁷⁹
“Real” or “Natural” Parent: When describing a child’s (see Adoptee) birth parents (see Birth Parent) these terms imply that their adoptive parents (see Adoptive Parent) are somehow “fake” or “unnatural” (see Negative-Alternative Adoption Terms). The truth is that adoptive parents are “real” parents, just as the birth parent is “real” in their role as well. These terms also imply that because they are not blood-related, the relationships in an adoptive family are not as strong or lasting as relationships by birth. Using reaffirming language with adoptees is crucial to ensure they feel confident that they are being raised in the family they are meant to be in. Alternatively, mixing up these terms can have confusing and detrimental consequences on the emotional development of adoptees.¹³
Retarded/Lame/Crazy/Dumb: Targets mental, emotional and physical disabilities (see Disabilities) as objects for ridicule. Used as synonyms for “worthless,” “bad,” “unintelligent,” “incapable,” etc. (see Derogatory, Oppression)⁷⁹
Revocation of Consent: When a biological parent (see Biological Parent) revokes the consent (see Consent) they had signed to an adoption (see Adoption, Adoption Plan) and requests that the child (see Adoptee) be returned to their custody (see Legal Custody, Physical Custody).⁶
Revocation Period: The period of time a birth parent (see Biological Parent) has to change their mind and regain custody of their child (see Adoptee) after signing consent (see Consent). Revocation periods vary from state-to-state.¹²
Self-efficacy: A person’s belief that they can be successful when carrying out a particular task.¹⁰
Semi-Open Adoption: A semi-open adoption (see Adoption) occurs when the potential biological parent (see Biological Parent) or biological families experience non-identifying interaction with the adoptive family (see Adoptive Parent). In most cases, the interaction is facilitated by a third party who is usually an adoption agency (see Adoption Agency) or adoption attorney.⁶
Sexual Orientation: Emotional, romantic, or sexual (see Sexuality) feelings toward other people or no people (see Asexual). While sexual activity involves the choices one makes regarding behavior, one’s sexual activity does not define one’s sexual orientation (see Sexual Orientation). Sexual orientation is part of the human condition, and all people have one. Typically, it is attraction that helps determine orientation.¹
Sexuality: The components of a person that include their biological sex (see Biological Sex), sexual orientation (see Sexual Orientation), gender identity (see Gender Identity), sexual practices, etc.⁷⁹
Sizeism: The pervasive system of discrimination (see Discrimination) and exclusion that oppresses (see Oppression) people who have bodies that society has labeled as “overweight,” as well as people of short stature. Hxstorically speaking, larger bodies have been labeled as unhealthy, undesirable, and lazy (see Stereotypes, Body Image, Internalized Oppression, Social Identities) ; this fails to address the complicated narratives around health and healthy living.⁷⁹
Social Justice: A goal and a process in which the distribution of resources is equitable and all members are physically and psychologically safe and secure. Begins with an acknowledgement that oppression (see Oppression, Empathy) and inequity exist and must be actively dismantled on all levels (see Ally, Allyship, Cultural Humility).⁷⁹
Social Identities: Social identity groups are based on the physical, social, and mental characteristics of individuals. They are sometimes obvious and clear, sometimes not obvious and unclear, often self-claimed and frequently ascribed by others (see Stereotypes, Internalized Oppression, Microaggression).⁷⁹
Socioeconomic Class: Social group membership based on a combination of factors including income, education level, occupation, and social status in the community, such as contacts within the community, group associations, and the community’s perception of the family or individual (see Culture, Community, Stereotypes, Oppression).⁷⁹
Spirituality: Having to do with deep feelings and convictions, including a person’s sense of peace, purpose, connection to others, and understanding of the meaning and value of life; may or may not be associated with a particular set of beliefs or practices.⁷⁹
Stereotype: A generalization applied to every person in a cultural group; a fixed conception of a group without allowing for individuality. When we believe our stereotypes, we tend to ignore characteristics that don’t conform to our stereotype, rationalize what we see to fit our stereotype, see those who do not conform as “exceptions,” and find ways to create the expected characteristics (see Culture, Community, Social Identities, Oppression).⁷⁹
Surrender: The legal document signed by the biological parents (see Biological Parent) in which they place their child with an adoption agency (see Adoptee, Adoption Agency) who in turn places the child with the adoptive family (Adoptive Parents) that the biological parents choose. In some states this may be referred to as “relinquishment” or “consent” (see Consent, Negative-Alternative Adoption Terms).⁶
Termination of Parental Rights (TPR): The legal process which involuntarily severs a biological parent’s (see Biological Parent) rights to a child (see Adoptee).¹²
Transracial Adoption: An adoption (see Adoption) in which the child (see Adoptee) and adoptive family are not of the same race (see Race, Ethnicity).¹²
Ugly: Word used to put down someone for the way they look, can be connected back to white supremacist, ableist (see Ableist, Internalized Oppression), sizeist standards of beauty (see Body Image, Body Policing, Social Identities, Sizeism, Oppression).⁷⁹
Hope Fullness 